I will FIGHT this WAR forever

Yeah ok so end of story we end up standing over a large pile of circuit boards, broken plastic, and shard af glass.

ok so that probably sounds weird, and it was. ok so it started out that i went to church to practice with the praise team for sunday. so we finished practice and we were all standing around goofing off and one of the pastors had thrown away 2 old computer monitors and there was another monitor in the media room on its last leg plus there was 2 other monitors in the children's center closet. so me bart and dale were bored and goofing off why all the women were looking at a photo album from Laci's wedding when we decided to do what any self respecting guy would do in our positions, we had 5 computer monitors, a 4wd truck, and a 380 handgun. so naturally Bart, Dale, Lyndsay, and I loaded the monitors in the truck and went and picked up dales gun and drove out to the desert and destroyed the monitors with 49 rounds. then to be a little more destructive we decided the start throwing rocks into the screens then we didn't wanna but all the broken glass into the back of his truck so we decided to grab the cords and swing the monitors around and throw them as hard as we could onto the ground or onto rocks. then we drove back, laughing, to the church and threw them into th dumpster. then before we left we saw the associate pastor and told him about what had gone down and he was a little upset. mostly just because we didn't invite him. oh and by the way bart happens to be the worship pastor of my church.....this has been a kinda weird night..

we are gonna rinse lather and repeat next weekend with another monitor and an old Tv gonna be fun...

I can't even believe how things have changed in the last year or to in my own life. I was inspired (COULDN'T tell you who inspired me)the last couple days to look back over some of my writings (lyrics, SOngs, so on)and my thoughts have changed dramatically over the course of what i have gone through recently. there is no real reason for this post. just surprised me a little. Things have been so weird and I'm just now starting to get out of this over all weirdness

I've Spent So much time chasing these dreams that have taken flight.//Like chasing a rocket on Foot, they were always out of reach.//I KNEW IT ALL!//I KNEW WHAT WAS BEST!//I KNEW WHAT I WANTED!//I KNEW WHAT I NEEDED!!//I realize now my childish mindset.//My Foolish chase has been in vain.//I'm Done with these dreams of my youth!//These dreams have only brought pain and discord masked with fantasies of abstract happiness.//I will now learn from my mistakes and push these dreams into the pit of bitter losses.//I feel like my life can finally resume before all the pain and torment started.//i can finally start the trek back to the happiness i had before it was taken.//I'm done with it.// I'm OVER it all!//

//THIS DAY IS A NEW SUNRISE//

Why don't you just sleep, child.
Go to your world of perfection.
Where everything is as you wish.
You are so vain to think this will ever be REAL.
You want this state to last forever,

but suicide is a touchy subject...
One that I'd rather not touch.

You've held this so deep, for so long.

You escape to your minds perfect vision.
You race to solitude night after night,
as your only means of release.

It doesn't have to be this way.
Let go of your pain,
and throw it away

Quit being so vain.
you can't fix this problem with your ESCAPE!
It only lays dormant.
Til the morning air Fills your lungs.

Then it will awaken to devour your heart and emotions.
Leaving a corpse to tell the story.

It doesn't have to be this way.
You feel this way because your judgments are made in moments of IMPERFECT CLARITY.
Your vision is clouded with pain.
Your thoughts are misled and impure.
You always seek acceptance!
When You really Need FORGIVENESS!

It doesn't have to be this way.
Stop holding your pain, and let it go.

Bittersweet
-------------

It's Bittersweet
This taste that's left behind
It's Bittersweet
This Taste that stains my mouth

No matter how I try
I can't seem to get away
Everywhere I go
You are always there with me
I can't seem to hide

It's Bittersweet
This taste that's left behind
It's Bittersweet
This Taste that stains my mouth

Everywhere I Go
You Stand Waiting for me
I push you away
You still come after me
It's all up to me

It's Bittersweet
This taste that's left behind
It's Bittersweet
This Taste that stains my mouth

You leave it up to me
To accept or deny you
So I must choose
I'm giving in
You have captured my heart

And now the bitterness is gone
The stains have washed away
My weight has been lifted
My soul has been redeemed

That bitter taste
Has gone away
That bitter taste
that bitter taste